“Spiritual bypass” is a term that has become widely recognized, and for good reason. According to Wikipedia, spiritual bypassing is “a tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, or unfinished developmental tasks.”
As a spiritual counselor and spiritual director, I frequently discuss spiritual topics with clients. Over the years, I’ve come to see that spirituality is neither inherently good nor bad—it’s a tool. Like any tool, it can be used for healing, but also for avoidance, fantasy, or escapism. The key factor is intention.
What is Spirituality?
Spirituality can exist within or outside of a religious framework. I define it as “a person’s connection to something beyond themselves that aligns with their values, meaning, purpose, and virtues.” It can be deeply transcendent, profoundly practical, and often, both.
Healthy spirituality teaches us important life lessons, including:
The meaning of life and death
The purpose of suffering
How to cultivate personal power and resilience
Finding genuine love, compassion, and peace
How to be present so that you can deeply enjoy the richness of life
Our relationship with the universe, nature, and all living beings
How to connect to your own inner guidance and trust yourself
Spirituality can also help you learn whichever lessons you need to learn, at the pace that most suits you.
Spirituality’s Potential to Heal
For spirituality to be truly transformational, it must be grounded in reality. Some aspects of life cannot be avoided or “spirituality’d” away. Some examples include:
You will experience pain—physical, emotional, and mental. Your response determines whether you exacerbate your pain or move forward with new lessons learned.
You will die one day—the brevity of life gives it meaning.
You will struggle—this is how growth happens. (Think of a caterpillar breaking free from its chrysalis or a plant strengthening against the wind.)
Things won’t always go your way—accepting this builds resilience and adaptability. But you may just find that unexpected and helpful doors will open!
You will face uncertainty—whether it feels terrifying or exciting depends on your mindset.
You will have to make difficult choices and have hard conversations—short-term discomfort often leads to long-term well-being.
When practiced in a healthy way, spirituality doesn’t promise to erase these realities—it helps you make peace with them. It builds resilience, empowerment, and agility so that when challenges arise, you can navigate them with strength and grace.
True spirituality isn’t about manifesting an effortless, pain-free life. It’s about developing the wisdom and resilience to face life’s inevitable difficulties with purpose. Deeply spiritual people don’t deny hardship; they meet it head-on and make empowered choices in response.
The Limitations of Spiritual Bypassing
Spiritual bypassing is widespread, fueled by influencers, gurus, and authors who promise an end to suffering—if you just buy their book, product, or method. No matter the exact technique, the message is often the same:"I have the answer that will take away all your pain—without requiring hard work on your part."
But this doesn’t work. When spirituality is used as an escape from reality rather than a way to engage with it, it becomes a trap, not a tool for transformation.
Intention Matters
Practices like yoga, meditation, psychedelics, shamanic journeying, emotional coping skills, or even psychotherapy can either support growth or reinforce avoidance. It all depends on intention.
When used to escape discomfort, these tools become barriers to resilience. But when used to face reality with greater acceptance and strength, they unlock deep healing and personal growth.
Finding Spirituality’s Strengths While Avoiding Its Pitfalls
Spirituality is powerful. That’s why I chose to become a spiritual counselor. It helps people move beyond stuck emotional and mental patterns, expand their perspective, and find deeper meaning. It fosters virtues, strengthens relationships, and cultivates resilience.
To fully benefit from spirituality, ask yourself: "Am I using this practice to escape, or am I using it to grow?"
Your answer to this question determines whether spirituality becomes a tool for transformation or an illusion of relief. If you'd like some help embarking or continuing along your spiritual path in a way that leads to deep and lasting change, I'm here. Feel free to request a consultation.
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