Some of the lessons I've learned along my path as a therapist and fellow human that have most surprised, shaped, and humbled me
I have been a therapist for almost eight years now, and in that time, I’ve learned a lot. Every client I see and every life experience I have teaches me something new, shaping and evolving my perspective. Some of the lessons I have learned have even surprised me and directly challenged old beliefs I was sure were true!
In this blog post, I want to share some of the most challenging yet necessary lessons I’ve gained—both through my personal journey and my work helping others find their way. Some may resonate deeply with you, while others may not, and that’s okay. My hope is that these insights help liberate you, expand your perspective, and ultimately, improve your life for the better.
The 19 Lessons
The Catalytic Power of Healing Trauma: While you can’t change your past, you can shape a better future for yourself by taking charge of your own healing. In fact, post-traumatic growth can lead you to become a stronger individual than you may yet realize. Just because something is part of your history doesn't mean it has to stay part of your programming.
Taking Emotional Responsibility is Empowering: While others can hurt us, our deepest power comes from how we respond. If it often feels like other people are the cause of your unhappiness, it may be time to look inward. Blaming others can give you a temporary surge of righteous indignation, but this is a spark that flickers out quickly. Your true inner power is a flame that never burns out. It’s there, even if you have lost touch with it. This is the power you have to self-reflect, take personal responsibility, and take intentional actions to change your life and relationships for the better.
Find the Root Cause to Heal: Just because something masks your symptoms doesn’t mean it’s cured the root of your problem, especially if the problem returns when you stop using it. True healing requires effort and perseverance, but uncovering and transforming the root cause of your struggles leads to deeper and lasting change.
Fierce Compassion is the Deepest Compassion: True compassion isn’t just about offering comfort—it’s also about supporting real growth. Many of us long to be understood and validated, which is an important part of healing. But if validation is where the process stops, we risk staying stuck in cycles of frustration, blame, and suffering. Compassion includes helping people see their own patterns, even when it’s uncomfortable. It means recognizing that while others may contribute to our struggles, we still have the power to change how we respond. Facing the parts of ourselves we’d rather avoid—our blind spots, unhelpful patterns, or deeply ingrained beliefs—can be challenging. But doing so is one of the most compassionate things we can do for ourselves and others. It allows us to break free from repeating painful cycles and step into a life that feels more empowered, authentic, and peaceful.
Compassion and Boundaries Aren't Mutually Exclusive: I used to think that boundaries hurt others, and therefore were not compassionate. Yet what I've discovered is that boundaries can actually support and enhance the ability to be compassionate without resentment. By holding a strong container, your heart knows that it is safe. By standing in your power, you won't be taken advantage of. And by holding the line, you preserve your ability to care for others in a sustainable way over the long term. Compassion and boundaries don't conflict with each other. They actively support each other.
Sometimes the Best Choices are the Most Difficult: Sometimes the right choice - the one that aligns with your wellbeing, values, and the highest good of others - is the hardest. If you break off a relationship because there is a mismatch in values or life aspirations, it may hurt. If you leave a job that is crushing your soul even if it is well paid, this can be really scary. When you set an important boundary with a friend, they may become disappointed. You cannot measure good choices by how much they do or don’t hurt. You measure them by determining whether they are aligned with your deepest values, your highest good, and the good of the world.
Self Compassion Will Take You Farther than Self Criticism: Thinking about all of the things to change about oneself can lead some people to criticize themselves in an attempt to improve. Yet self criticism actually weakens resilience, leading to low self-esteem and depression. Self-compassion fuels meaningful change without downsides. Aim to motivate yourself with firm, encouraging, compassionate words rooted in your values, goals, and personal ethics.
Expansion Goes in Both Directions: While some modern new age spiritual teachings assert that we must be “high vibe” all of the time, pain is part of the human experience, and trying to bypass it can actually lead to more pain and disappointment. The extent to which you will feel true and lasting peace, contentment, and fulfillment directly corresponds to your willingness to experience life’s difficulties. You can't have highs without lows. When you learn that you can contain it all, you become free.
Accepting Pain and Difficulties is the Empowered Choice: Difficult emotions and physical pain are part of being human. None of us can truly escape this, although many of us try, and dig ourselves deeper into suffering as a result with addictions, distractions, numbing, attempts at control, and worrying. When you accept that pain and suffering are inevitabilities, you can feel more empowered, present, open, and at peace.
Facing Discomfort Sets You Free: Humans are hard-wired to avoid discomfort. This served our ancestors, but in modern life when comfort is the norm, it serves us to challenge ourselves. Those who practice stepping out of their comfort zone in service of their highest good will experience more fulfillment, resilience, and health. Taking small steps outside of your comfort zone in the areas that matter - like eating your leafy greens, committing to a challenging exercise routine, going to that bonfire even if you’re socially anxious, or meditating regularly even if you’d rather be watching Netflix - will build resilience and health over time. Paradoxically, facing a little discomfort every day leads to much less discomfort over a lifetime because it helps prevent chronic and severe mental and physical health conditions later on in life.
Adversity Has Transformative Power: Adversity isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it can shape us into something more incredible than we could have imagined. Some of the most beautiful souls out there have endured tremendous pain, and have become gifts to the world - not in spite of it, but because of it. Some of my own deepest life lessons and strengths have come from the parts of my life that have been the most painful.
Your Inner Guidance Knows: While it feels nice to ask others for advice and we need companionship in our lives, the person who best knows what you should do with your life is you. You may find more peace and wisdom by cultivating a practice that helps you tap more clearly into your inner guidance (shoutout to Depth Hypnosis and Shamanic Journeying!). There’s nothing wrong with seeking the advice of a friend or professional, but at the end of the day, no one knows you like you do, and you have many of the answers you need inside of you already. You just need to learn how to listen for them.
Play Your Best Hand: A good life is co-created with the universe, and doesn’t depend on always being dealt the best cards. You have much more power to shape your reality than you may believe. When the universe deals you a card, you can make your best move. You’ll be dealt another card, and you’ll get the chance to make another move. Unlike a game of cards, though, there is no winning or losing. You may not always like the cards you're dealt, but if you keep stepping up and taking the responsibility to play your hand the best you can, you have the can create a pretty incredible life.
Focus on What You Can Do: It is true that there are multiple external factors that create challenge in our lives, and some people face more systemic barriers and adversity than others. Recognizing these factors is important, yet focusing exclusively on what you can’t control often leads to feelings of futility and powerlessness. You can’t always control what happens to you, but you have influence over how you respond to it. You can reduce your suffering significantly by focusing on what you can do rather than exclusively what you cannot control.
Participate in Societal Change: While #14 is true, it's also true that society is not going to change on its own. While you may feel small in a big world, none of us are powerless. If you’re passionate about a social issue, consider what you can do to improve things - for you, for others, and for future generations. You can build the change you want to see in the world.
Embrace Nuance: Multiple things can be true at the same time. You can love someone and know they are not right for you. You can disagree with someone and still respect them. You can see the value of someone’s perspective without needing to agree with them 100%. Learning to hold nuance will help you navigate tricky situations with more grace.
Make Sure to Relax: Relaxation is not a luxury, it’s a daily necessity. In order for your body to have a well functioning immune system, digestion, and repair, you must rest. And I mean true rest - free from your phone, distractions, and to-dos.
External Conflict Can Reveal Internal Conflict: It’s natural to seek balance in relationships, but when we unconsciously rely on others to compensate for parts of ourselves we haven’t developed, it can lead to deeper challenges. If you cannot accept your inner insecurity, you may bully others who seem insecure. If you are disconnected from your own emotions, you may seek emotional friends or partners to “balance you out.” If you struggle to manage your finances, you may ask your partner to take them over, yet feel frustrated because you’ve given your decision-making power away. The secret to better relationships often lies in repairing your relationship with yourself. (Depth Hypnosis and Parts Work are great for navigating inner conflict).
Becoming Healthy in a Sick Society: Modern life is not set up for you to be healthy. Many of the default settings in the United States will make you sick. Being sedentary, not exercising, over-working, being stressed out, numbing with technology, drinking alcohol to unwind, and eating fast food is the default way to live life in the United States. You will have to actively counteract these pressures if you want to be well. While this isn’t fair and the system needs to change, you have the power to take small steps toward better wellness. Make changes one step at a time and spend time around people who have a similar vision. And if you feel inspired, you can create ripples of change in your family, workplace, and community. You can vote with your dollar, energy, creativity, and time. When enough of us contribute to a better world, the system itself will begin to shift.
Hopefully you gleaned a golden nugget or two from this post that helps inspire you. If you feel particularly drawn to make changes to take better care of your physical body, Functional Nutrition may help. If you're seeking relief from mental health issues, psychotherapy could be a good fit for you. For spiritual and personal growth concerns, you may enjoy Spiritual Counseling and Depth Hypnosis. If you'd like some help with any of this, I'm happy to help. It all starts with an initial consult.
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